Happy Couples in the News! Severson and Fonder announce Nuptials! And More!

The local news this morning broke the news concerning a jailhouse love affair that has shocked Lehigh Valley residents.
Political Consultant Tom Severson, recently charged with all kinds of things for misbehavior at a local funeral, and Mary Jane Fonder, facing trial for putting a few bullets in the back of the head of a woman she perceived as a romantic rival, announced their impending marriage today.

Severson, known for his public pronunciations of his own killing ability, and Fonder, charged for actually doing it, met in an online chat room for people facing trial in the Lehigh Valley.
"She's my kind of girl!" Severson stated proudly. "After she beats the rap, I promised her a job at Precision Marketing. It will really help my street cred as a ruthless S.O.B. to have her on the payroll." When asked for comment, Fonder only sighed, made loving eyes to the sky, and clutched an apparent photograph of Severson fishing with John Morganelli closer to her heart.
Where do you think they will register? Bed Bath and Beyond, or Vic's guns and ammo?

In other news of fun couples, Jocelyn Kersh, the "Bonnie", of the identity theft duo that plagued Philadelphia, has a new man in her life. According to those monitoring her movements through her ankle bracelet, she makes regular visits into New Jersey to visit a man an unidentified close friend says Jocelyn refers to as her "Soul mate." Who is it? None other than convicted Serial killer Charles Cullen! Prison officials say he popped the question, and a request for conjugal visits is already being processed. We wish those kids the best of luck!

Lastly, the saga of former Channel 3 co-anchor couple Alycia (God she's hot!) Layne, and Larry (God, what was I thinking, reading her email?!) Mendte took another bizarre turn when it was leaked to the media that DNA tests show that Larry and Alycia are secretly brother and sister!
Both deny any possibility of that, and are demanding retesting, but in the soap opera like world of local news, I predict the story ends with somebody adopting a recently discovered child that one of them secretly gave up for adoption tears ago. At least that's how they do it on General Hospital, and don't be surprised if the kid is either named "Lucky" or "Quartermaine".