Latest Top Ten Things Critics Blame Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski for this week:

According to the latest Blog rumors, here is what Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski is suspected of this week:

10.He is the man responsible for all 17 pregnant teenagers in Gloucester, Massachusetts

9.He urged the Palestinians to break the truce with Israel

8.He is Morning Call Columnist's Paul Carpenter's long lost illegitimate son

7.He caused George Carlin's Heart Attack

6.He is the head of a secret society of devil worshippers that stalks political opponents, cuts their hearts out, and eats them.

5.He is responsible for the closing of the Federal Grille

4.It is his fault that Fireworks related injuries are rising

3.The rise in underage drinking

2. Any and all crime that takes place in Allentown

And the Number one thing that all the naysaying bloggers of Allentown agree is all Mayor Ed's Pawlowski's fault is:

That damn Autozone car parts Store moving into the Shanty Building! You knaw damn well he didn't fight it hard enough!


That's this weeks rumors, I'll have more next week!

Channel 69 hires Mendte, Layne, to spice up ratings

In a shocking move, WFMZ-TV announced today it was replacing long time anchor Rob Vaughn, and his sidekick, Wendy Davis, with former CBS -3 anchors Larry Mendte and Alycia Layne. According to a Station Spokesperson, who requested anonymity, management felt it was time for the Lehigh Valley to "move into the big leagues."
When asked to elaborate on what kind of chemistry was expected between the two, concerning the controversy surrounding their past, the station spokesperson got a gleam in their eye, smiled and uttered one word: "catfight."

Morning Call reporter Edgar Hardswallow, recently demoted to TV reporter, roamed the streets of Allentown, asking citizens for comment, and found this gem: "I hope she gouges his eyes out on air," answered a 19 year old minority woman, who was breast feeding the youngest of her three children on her front step at the time.
When asked for comment, Mayor Pawlowski, was optimistic that the two would get along, and bring a breath of fresh air to Allentown and the surrounding burbs. "C'mon, it had to be hard reporting all those murders and mayhem every night in Philly. What, they had 400 murders last year, we didn't make 20. They will like it here, and get others to appreciate Allentown better, you'll see. Once they have lunch at the Brew Works, they'll never want to leave."
In related news, there are rumors Weatherman Ed Hanna is also to be replaced. No names yet, but what I wouldn't give to get Kathy Orr!

To Protest Morning Call headline, Call Staffer to display cast of his Penis at 6th and Linden

Edgar P. Hardswallow, a little known but regular writer who covers bird watching and compiles the births and obituaries occasionally, is angry about the headline in the Saturday, June 14th edition of the Morning Call. Edgar told his colleagues that the headline, "Rape Suspect says Penis Cast Would Acquit Him", isn't up to the standards of propriety he has held himself to in his long, but not storied career. He wants everyone to know how disgusted he is with the depths the paper he has toiled for the last 41 years has fallen.

"They wouldn't let me use the word "pecker" but "Penis" is a front page headline? Can you believe this?" Edgar went on to unleash a tirade against Sam Zell and the Morning Call's ownership that shocked those around him.

Morning Call Editor Crankypants called Hardswallow in and reportedly suspended him with pay for 2 weeks. Hardswallow then went to the Baum School of Art, and allowed a plaster paris mold of his penis to be made.
To protest everything he thinks is wrong with the Morning Call, Hardswallow is placing the one and a half inch life size steel cast in the crosswalk at 6th and Linden Streets. "This will annoy local drivers every time they hit it with a tire, as much as the Paper annoys me" he told bystanders. Rumor has it that several local members of the Blog universe will also follow suit, joining Mr. Hardswallow in his protest. They hope to create a "Rumble Strip of Rage" in front of the Morning Call offices, but in this intrepid blogger's opinion, it will be more likely resemble a "Penile pebbles of puberty." The whole lot of them would better serve the community by placing themselves in the road.

Happy Couples in the News! Severson and Fonder announce Nuptials! And More!

The local news this morning broke the news concerning a jailhouse love affair that has shocked Lehigh Valley residents.
Political Consultant Tom Severson, recently charged with all kinds of things for misbehavior at a local funeral, and Mary Jane Fonder, facing trial for putting a few bullets in the back of the head of a woman she perceived as a romantic rival, announced their impending marriage today.

Severson, known for his public pronunciations of his own killing ability, and Fonder, charged for actually doing it, met in an online chat room for people facing trial in the Lehigh Valley.
"She's my kind of girl!" Severson stated proudly. "After she beats the rap, I promised her a job at Precision Marketing. It will really help my street cred as a ruthless S.O.B. to have her on the payroll." When asked for comment, Fonder only sighed, made loving eyes to the sky, and clutched an apparent photograph of Severson fishing with John Morganelli closer to her heart.
Where do you think they will register? Bed Bath and Beyond, or Vic's guns and ammo?

In other news of fun couples, Jocelyn Kersh, the "Bonnie", of the identity theft duo that plagued Philadelphia, has a new man in her life. According to those monitoring her movements through her ankle bracelet, she makes regular visits into New Jersey to visit a man an unidentified close friend says Jocelyn refers to as her "Soul mate." Who is it? None other than convicted Serial killer Charles Cullen! Prison officials say he popped the question, and a request for conjugal visits is already being processed. We wish those kids the best of luck!

Lastly, the saga of former Channel 3 co-anchor couple Alycia (God she's hot!) Layne, and Larry (God, what was I thinking, reading her email?!) Mendte took another bizarre turn when it was leaked to the media that DNA tests show that Larry and Alycia are secretly brother and sister!
Both deny any possibility of that, and are demanding retesting, but in the soap opera like world of local news, I predict the story ends with somebody adopting a recently discovered child that one of them secretly gave up for adoption tears ago. At least that's how they do it on General Hospital, and don't be surprised if the kid is either named "Lucky" or "Quartermaine".

Falcon eggs MMm, mmm, it's what's for dinner!

(I wanted to post a picture of Falcon Eggs, but all I could find was copyrighted ones, sorry!)

Everybody loves the ongoing story of the nest of baby Falcons in the PP&L tower, and today PP&L executives, in an effort to show they aren't the heartless, greedy, money sucking bastards consumers think they are, announced plans to help a needy family with their Electric Bill.
Company Spokesman Will Killowatt announced at a noon press conference that PP&L has an ingenious plan to profit from the next batch of eggs.
"We will be harvesting the eggs from that nest immediately after they are laid, and auctioning them off to the highest bidder" he announced with a grin.
"The proceeds will be used to pay the bill of an inner city family, or possibly, be donated to the political campaign of one of our needy politicians, whichever we deem more feasible at the time. Just imagine the omelet you could make with those babies!"
Local environmentalists immediately expressed outrage, and activists from Hawk Mountain vowed to climb the outside of PP&L Tower and steal the eggs if necessary, to protect them from company executives that they described mildly as "misguided." Local Green Peace activist Shrieka Harping vowed to launch PT boats in the Lehigh River and sink the boat of any PP&L exec, cruising it. (No one bothered to tell her that they all go to Ocean City, but let her dream.)

In other news, a body was found floating under a bridge to Hokendaqua over the Lehigh River, and several local bloggers immediately blamed Mayor Pawlowski for putting it there, ignoring that the river flows into Allentown from that point. They also claim the Mayor is responsible for a fight at a Bethlehem Pool, (He probably started it), a robbery on West Reading road, (They are probably stealing to fund his re-election campaign) and the heat wave (He probably has friends in Chicago releasing excess greenhouse gases from secret manufacturing plants releasing their pollution and targeting it to settle directly in the valley, and they pay him for covering up that they do it.)
There is also 4th hand evidence that he may be behind the theft of air conditioners throughout the city, as he regularly drives around the city meeting with residents, and was in the neighborhood of some of the thefts on the same day they took place. Yeah, our Mayor, he's capable of doing just about anything.

The Bike Race was great! So What's Next?

The Greater Lehigh Valley Rickshaw races! Coming Soon to the Velodrome!

But That's not All!

High Fuel Prices got you down? Want to get to work, and don't mind taking a little extra longer to get there? Think Rickshaws! Trade in your SUV today, and take that $700 a month lease payment and the $150 a week you spend on gas commuting to NYNJ and invest it in your very own illegal immigrant powered Rickshaw! The new must have lifestyle accessory of McMansion denizens! Get yours today! Starter Rickshaw kit only 4 easy payments of $199.99, as seen on QVC! Immigrant Rickshaw puller not included, but if you visit one of the many developments where construction has stopped, you will easily find many $20 a day laborers looking for work, who are ready, willing, and able to pull your Rickshaw!