The Daily Paper is reporting that a man was shot in the area of Twelfth and Gordon Streets early Wednesday Morning, and collapsed near the Mayor's House.
According to the opinions of several local bloggers, that is ample evidence that Mayor Ed Pawlowski is indeed, the true shooter, but no motive has been given.
Pawlowski critic Scooter Hillstrong was quoted on Blogworld news as criticizing local news for refusing to pursue the true story. "Everyone knows Mayor Pawlowski is responsible, no one saw him do it, but we know he has an invisibility cloak just like Harry Potter, and probably used it to get away."
Blogger Barney O'Google of Lehigh County Ravings and Rantings assailed Congressional candidate Sam Bennett, who lives more than 3 blocks away, for not immediately calling police to report the crime.
"She had to have heard the gunshots" he announced. " Having a ten story building between her house and the mayor's couldn't have possibly muffled all the noise."
O'Google then produced grainy, unidentifiable photos from an Alburtis Turkey Hill Market that showed the Mayor buying coffee 3 weeks ago next door to a weekend gun show. "That's probably where the Mayor got his gun, and probably where he will try and trade it back in to hide it."
Allentown Police Chief Roger McClain, (no relation to Detective John McClain of DieHard Movie Fame) had this reaction, however. "There is no evidence the mayor shot anyone. Yes, it is true he is from Chicago, and yes, he does live on North 11th street, but that in no way offers any proof that he shot anyone."
Critical Bloggers however, are firm in their belief that the mayor is guilty of something. Unannounced Mayoral candidate Pam Valkyrie of the blog Strange Perspectives, had this to say: "At the very least, he has to be responsible for the plane crashing on the Island on "Lost." And Former Independent Mayoral Candidate Mark Mendelsohn has his own theory: "I wouldn't be surprised to dig up the basement of the Allentown Brew Works and find that Ed Pawlowski had ordered that Jimmy Hoffa be buried there. Why do you think I don't want to sell the Americus? You wouldn't believe who or what I've stashed down in that dump."
That leaves any hope for an unbiased investigation in the hands of local media.
Wendy Wacky, anchor for Channel 69, The Family Fun position Channel, announced that everything looked peachy keen to her and the gang at happy face news, before rushing off in their psychedelic, hi-definition news van to cover the latest triple homicide down the street.
Gerald Cranky, Editor of The Morning Crankypants Newspaper, shared Wendy Wacky's sentiments, saying, "The Mayor's done so much for the city, look at all the parking spots our employees now have! How can you criticize such progress!"
So maybe the Mayor didn't shoot anybody after all, but it could'a happened. Maybe. sorta. kinda. Right?
6/03 Comment:
I have to clarify something, because I've been told current Federal incarceree Mark Mendolsohn never ran for Mayor, and might be confused with another person I haven't even heard of. But it sounded funny when I wrote it, and I thought he had. Now I find out he didn't. I don't want to be part of Mr. O'hares Stupid Blog War, so please don't drag me into it. Mark Mendelsohn never ran for Mayor, I was poking fun at people who take themselves too seriously. That's all. I forgot to get my "Free Speech" Approved prior to posting. My Mistake. (Sic)
Cut Me Some Slack, Jack!
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7 comments:
It's funny, I like it, and i don't care who knows. Nice job. Ill forward it to some others, but I'm not ready to add you to the blogroll yet.
Mr. O'Hare:
I only moved back here after my enlistment was up in March. I don't know much about you, but from what I have read, you are one nasty old bastard who likes to intimidate trhose he disagrees with. Chris Casey took the time to respond to my emails, and answer my questions. Ii don't wish to be part of your vendetta against everyone you don't like, but i don't care what you think of me. I don't like self appointed know it alls, and you seem to think you are one. I'm removing your comment, it is full of baseless accusations and assumptions. Who the hell is AJ Cordi? You assume too much. I like to laugh at the people who take themselves too seriously, like you.
I was warned about you, but I didn't take it seriously. I won't, but I don't have to put up with you. Those guys are right about you, and you said it about yourself. You are an unhappy old man.
Your Problem, Mr. O'hare, is you seem to think you are the only person allowed to voice any criticism, and it all has to meet your standards. You are wrong to think that. And if someone criticizes you, you immediately change the subject to attack them.
I have my B.A., and I'm not as easily fooled by B.S. as many of your other adversaries. Now go away. Please. And don't come back.
I want to make myself clear in a nice manner. Leave me out of your petty BS, Mr. O'hare. My post stands as it is. I meant no disrespect to anyone. I have moderated Mr. O'hare's comments off my blog. I am very disturbed that I have to moderate my comments because of some jerk I've never met, condemning me for guilt with association for talking to someone he doesn't like. Who the hell do you think you are? Do you realize how whacked you appear? I won't allow myself to suffer from your disturbed criticisms, because I don't have to.
Now I understand why they cautioned me to stay anonymous. You are nuts, and i don't need any more proof that what you have written to me today. I am saving your comments and forwarding them to blogger with a complaint. I don't know what good it will do, but you need help.
Leprechaun, is INCARCEREE even a word? You heard the group Wednesday, just ignore Bernie O'Hare. We've been doing it for months. The men in the white coats will be by to pick him up soon enough. We don't have to do anything, Bernie is blowing up his own credibility a little bit more everyday.
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