Post Thoughts

I took my view on what's been going on down, because after I thought about it, I realized I would be playing right into the hands of the Blog troll. I'm going to keep my seat in the stands.

I don't have much to say, but its not goodbye

I started doing this on the suggestion of a friend when I was really depressed.
Writing about the funny things I think up in my mind helped me cope quite a bit more than I thought it would. I found my footing, I found some friends and maybe I met the great love that all the great poets refer to.
I don't have time to do this right now. When I started, I had all the time in the World, but now I'm doing all these different things, and there's not enouh time in the day for everything I have found. So writing a blog isn't on my list of needed things to do. I'm going to leave it up, and maybe once in a great while I will think of something to say, but writing a webblog is not my passion in life.

Living is.

The Tour de Brew is really Cool!

My Girlfriend and I were downtown yesterday for the Tour De Brew, and it was the first time for either of us. We enjoyed it, and she took a whole bunch of pictures with her digital camera. It's cool watching the riders navigate the bars, but I thought the parking deck (Hess's?) was a nasty little challenge to get through. I think next year I'd like to do this. Do they have a race division for scariest looking rider?

Dent and Bennett to Debate.....With Light Sabers!!

Congressman Charles Dent confirmed today that he has accepted an offer from his Democratic Party Challenger, Siobhan (Sam) Bennett, to a duel to the death with light sabers on Hamilton Mall on the PP&L Plaza, in front of the soon to be shuttered Johnny, "They'll be gone" Mananas.

Congressman Dent is training for the duel under the tutelage of the legendary Dark Lord Himself, Lord Vader. Meanwhile Sam Bennett is reportedly driving her trainer, Master Yoda, out of his mind with her lack of focus on her training. "Ready, she not be." he was quoted as saying. "On golden garden rakes, her mind is," he explained further.

No word yet on whether Mayor Ed Pawlowski will accept a similar challenge from recent convert to the Dark side, Tony Phillips, but word is that Phillips is training in a remote location under the direct supervision of the headless ghost of Count Dookoo. More on these stories as they develop!

Normal, for a little while.

I've been dating a great woman for a couple of months now, and yesterday we took a leap forward in our relationship. I met her parents. We drove 90 minutes to Lake Wallenpaupack to her family's summer picnic.

I was really scared. I almost told her I couldn't go. Even with all the counseling sessions, I still look in the mirror and wonder how people can look at me and not get sick. Wearing a baseball cap helps outside in public, people don't notice unless they get a good up close look.

I realized that maybe I wasn't giving my lady enough credit, and that's what she is, a great lady. Her family welcomed me like they had known me all their lives. I found out from her older brother that she had told them all about me, and how I had served in the Army. She hadn't asked them not to mention my scars on my face, but they didn't anyway, we only talked some about politics and hopefully the end of the war.

They made me feel normal. Last night I told her I loved her. On the drive home I started crying, and she asked what was wrong.

I told her nothing, that everything was great, and I thanked her for making me feel normal again.

I wouldn't want to be a Depressed Millionaire either

I love Football. I went to Eagles Camp this weekend, and it was great! The news people keep talking about Shaun Andrews, the Lineman who hadn't shown up for training.
Nobody knew why, but in the stands the buzz was that he was holding out for more money.

Now we know the truth. Shaun Andrews is DEPRESSED! I'm not making fun of him, what I'm saying is that I know how he feels. I've been depressed every once in a while. I get bummed out. I go to counseling once a week, and I have group therapy every Wednesday night.

What ticks me off is all the people mocking him, because he's rich and making millions. So, what, rich people can't have mental issues, they can't be sick? Money doesn't make you happy, it helps but it ain't a cure all. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but having money sure as hell wouldn't help. I'm getting by. It just really bugs me that people are trashing the guy for having mental issues. It's not easy, you try waking up every morning and wishing you hadn't.
There's a lot of days I'd rather take my pills and drink brews, because the dream world's a lot easier to deal than the real one. But I don't, I've been motoring along for about 6 months now, and I'm better than I was.
So what if the guy misses the season? It's only football. I hope he gets help and works it out, and becomes a spokesman. That would be great.

Best Headline I've seen in a while: JURY HUNG IN MURDER TRIAL

Did the Morning Paper really put that on the front of the Local section? You Bet! I know we have crime issues in Center City Allentown, but is hanging the Jury going to make it easier for prosecutors to get a conviction. I know if I get jury duty, and they are looking to hang somebody, I'm choosing the defendant over me!

Freeman's Jewelers looks like a very nice store. I've never been in it. Last night my girlfriend and I took a long walk after dinner at the Brew Works down Hamilton and we talked about how sad it was that the stores weren't open very late at all. I'm sure that if it were open we might have gone in and browsed, but it wasn't, not at 9 PM. I've lived in Allentown less than a year, I think it has great potential, but I have to go outside the area, to the suburban malls, if I want to see a movie, or shop after 7 PM. I like the Brew Works, but I don't want, and can't afford, to eat all my meals there. My Girlfriend doesn't live that far away, but we have the same problem, availability of diverse market choices. Walking to the Farmer's Market from Walnut Street is a hike. I don't mind it during the day, but once the sun is down, I get nervous walking that far.

I don't blame the mayor for that. I don't have an answer for what to do, but shopping is more interesting when you do it with someone else, as I have learned.

Wizard of Id Goes "Poof!"

Oh Happy Day!
The local shredded tree has gone greener, by printing fewer pages. The Comics have shrunk, but that's okay!
The Comics is the most important part of any newspaper. They edited their staff, and they had to edit their syndicated cartoons as well.

Goodbye editorial writers, Goodbye Wizard of ID!

I was miffed they dumped JumpStart, and kept BLANDIE. They could also ditch Born Loser, but instead kept BEETLE BORING BAILEY, which anybody who's ever lived in a barracks can tell you is out of date by eons. I'm glad Girls and Sports is gone, it was stupid. Deleting CATHY was smart, but GET FUZZY had a dog, he was dumb, but I like Dogs, and I'd rather have him than MARMADUNCE, the one joke wonder.

WIZARD OF ID and BC were by the same people, and were both tired and unoriginal. NO great loss there. Maybe the Paper should have kept someone around to draw a Cartoon based on Life in Center City. Has anybody Trademarked "POLISHING THE TURD?" LOL

I'm having a laugh people, I love the neighborhood, it is what we make it, and we can make it better. I stopped at the corner Market and bought a Philly Inky this morning. I'm going to let the local subscription run out. I'll read it online for now on.

"POOF!"

Hey they Kept Mark Trail! Hooray! Maybe Cherry will shoot Kelly Welly yet!

Allentown has new TV Ads!

Last night I'm watching 69 News at 5PM, and a commercial pops on that has the Mayor and his family in front of Johnny M's saying something nice about A-Town.

Whoa! Dude, is that really a good idea? Your Critics are going to go bonkers!

I only saw a quick piece of it, and if they showed it again at 10 PM, I missed it, so I can't give too many details about it. Last night I talked about it with my group, and it was pointed out that some will see it as a commercial to re-elect Pawsy, paid for by us. I hate thinking that, but all of the politicals do it. Every commercial for Pennsylvania ends with "Ed Rendell, Guv."

Do they really need to say that? I'll pretend I'm Daily Kos today, and ask that you discuss it in the thread. Guess we will see if anybody cares, Hunh?

On another note: I sent her flowers. She will get them at her job. Adviser dude said that his wife told him that sending flowers to a woman at her job is worth double points. He says he wrote about this in his novel, that I will see. Today's her Birthday. We've been dating for a month. She can't browse blogs at her job, but she does work at a desk, so she will have a place to keep them. I ordered them from Phoebe Home on Hamilton. I've never sent a woman Flowers before. I hope she likes them. Any thoughts guys? (or gals?) I'm really worried about this. I don't do romantic like stuff at all. I could use a guidebook.

Hundreds of Dead penguins at Allentown's Cedar Beach, Bloggers Blame Mayor, and Maybe candidate for Congress Siobhan Bennett.

The National Press is reporting today that several hundred Penguins have been found dead on the shore at Allentown's scenic Cedar Beach, much as they have at Beaches in Brazil.
Authorities from the National to local levels have no explanation, but of course, you know the local Blog world does.
"It's a result of the deal to drill for oil" said one blogger. Even though they haven't started drilling yet, The Penguins heard about it and flew here, dying from exhaustion upon arrival.
When it was pointed out that Penguins don't actually fly, the Blogger was undeterred. "It's also a result of Siobhan Bennett's failed Energy plan." he claimed. "Here, watch this video of a concession speech she once gave. See? If I were a penguin and had to watch that, I'd kill myself too!"

The lesson here is don't believe anything the professional journalist people write in the real media, you should only read and listen to what Bloggers have to say. You know you can trust them! They wouldn't lie, or have an agenda!!!!

"Dark Knight" Rocks!

This was way better than "Hancock." I liked Hancock, but Batman DK takes your breathe away. Heath Ledger as Joker looks like the Walking Dead. I won't give any plot away, but I give it 5 stars out of 5. that's the movie I saw Friday night.

Saturday Night I had another date. This time we saw "Mamma Mia".
If Friday night was a Testosterone rush, Saturday night was an Estrogen attack. CHICK FLICK!

But it wasn't bad. I couldn't help thinking it was a remake of an old Australian film I saw on cable called "Muriel's Wedding." I can sit through these things when there are attractive women in them. There's no shortage in Mamma Mia, and the girl from Allen High is a HOTTIE!

My Date asked me who was more attractive, her or the Movie star. Why do women do that?
She asks me this at Perkins after the movie, and I have endured two hours of disco music from "ABBA." I thought being honest would be cool, but the look I got said different.

I have Stone Temple Pilot tickets for Musikfest, and she's agreed to go. I suck at dating. really, I do. Okay, we've had 4 dates now, if I send her flowers for her Birthday Thursday, is that too much? Help me guys! Please!

Last night during the meeting of my Vets support group, we started talking about the most violent and realistic movie scenes of all time. There is something we say at the beginning, and repeat at the end of each meeting, that goes like this:

"What you do here, what you say here,

When you leave here, it will stay here."

We say this to reaffirm to each other that we won't talk about each other's issues outside the group. Our Moderator stresses that we need to trust one another and that all of the men and women who attend can believe that their privacy will be kept. There's 5 people who write blogs in the group. There used to be another, but he wrote about some of the member's personal issues in the group discussion on his blog, and we kicked him out.
After we had our meeting last night, I asked if I could write about our list, but not our group, and the consensus was sure, as long as no one was named, and no issues put out there.

We had a good discussion last night, everybody left feeling better, and that is the objective. So we had this separate discussion, for more than an hour, about the most violent sequences in Movies, and we cut it down to a top three, no top ten like Mr White at the NewsPaper, but our top three most realistic, violent Movie Sequences are:

3. The First 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. There was debate that the final 20 minute battle in the town was worse, when the squad get's wiped to the last man, but we agreed the D-day carnage was pretty much like what some of us have scene for real after a car bombing.

2, The Valkyrie Music Air Assault by Helicopter in Apocalypse Now. "I love the smell of Napalm in the Morning, and the overhead shot of civilians being shot, and the grenade being thrown into the chopper, with the commander screaming "Kill that bitch" is right out of real life in Iraq.

1. This is a tie. But both sequences are from the Sam Peckinpaugh classic "The Wild Bunch."
The opening scene in the town, where the band marching for the Woman's Temperance Union gets slaughtered in the Crossfire between the gang and the hired guns could easily be between Marines and Insurgents, with civilians caught in the middle.
The scene at the end, where Borgnine and Holden lead their group into the Mexican leader's HQ and start a close range fire fight involving a Gatling Gun is equally brutal, and we couldn't decide.

So which is worse, the movies, or real life in Allentown. I say the movies. How about you?

Don't think we didn't discuss Full Metal Jacket or Platoon, and Outlaw Josey Wales, but the women made a good point that "the Miniseries "Band of Brother's" on HBO was overall incredibly realistic, more than anything else, and thought the episode where the nurse was killed in shelling in Bastogne the most emotionally painful to them. That's all I got today. There's been violence in the City this week, and I'm not in the mood to joke as much. The garbage truck driver was a good guy.

China to drill for Oil in Lehigh County

Yesterday, in a secret meeting, Governor Rendell, County Executive Don Cunningham, and Mayor Ed Pawlowski cut a secret deal with the Chinese Government to allow exploratory oil drilling in downtown Allentown, and the surrounding county.
"This could be a great boon for Pennsylvania citizens," exclaimed the governor. "Don and Ed are getting a couple of million bucks each in their campaign funds, and all the illegal immigrants running around center city procreating will have jobs!"
No word yet on when the drilling will start, but rumor has it the first derrick will be going up at the site of the former Colonial theater! Can't wait! That will bring the price of a gallon of gas down, right?!

"Polishing of the Turds" comes to my Universe

I started to write about my date this past weekend, but decided that would be a serious mistake.
I have a second date, and this isn't a "my date review" blog. I am finally nurturing a social life outside of male bonding, and I don't want to screw it up.
The Running of the Bulls started today in Pamplona, Spain, and Yahoo news says 9 people were injured.
In the spirit of all the happy participants in the universe of blogs, I think we should all take the most awful news we can and make it nice and shiny! Lets have some happy Spin!

Below I have a basic sample of Turd Polishing for your consideration.

40 civilians did not perish violently from a suicide bombing outside the Indian embassy in Afghanistan, that would be a big smelly turd! Lets shine that turd up, and spray it with some cartoon world feel good polish. A couple of coats of Turd Polisher lacquer, and voila, we have a headline that says: At least 40 take express lane through gates of Heaven!


Now that is what I call Turd Polishing! I'm telling you, I could get a job at Fox news!

I read every post on Lehigh Valley Somebody last weekend, and that's where I got the "turd Polishing" idea, It wasn't theft of intellectual property, but inspiration for me! thanks Mrs Dottie! Something else that got me thinking this morning was when I try to read something and I get the headline scrambled in my brain.
Somehow, between John McCain Supports Housing Bill, and China wants Dog meat off menus during Beijing Olympics, I read:

John McCain Supports Dog meat on menus!

Is that disturbing or what? I wonder what ol' Sigmund Freud would have to say about that one?

Speaking of wicked plot twists in Movies...

I saw "Hancock" last night with a date. Ladies dig Will Smith. I dig Charlize Theron. I didn't see the whole Charlize Theron as Isis thing coming. Though she's a lot hotter than Uma Thurman was in my " My Super Ex- Girlfriend."
I liked the movie, it had some pretty good moments, but I thought the whole sex thing in the camper was too sick. It ended with Will Smith on a skyscraper in NYC, as far from Charlize as he could get. That gave me an idea for a sequel, "I am Hancock the legend in Cloverfield"
Let the dude fight the "Omega Man Mutants" at the same time he deals with the intergalactic Godzilla. That smacks of action. They could shoot parts of it at the Bethlehem Blast Furnaces in the nude. This is why I shouldn't drink after work.

The truth about Lower Macungie and bus trips for old people

If I disappear, you will probably find me in can somewhere. I have received top secret information that the real reason the Commissioners in Lower Macungie approved the bus trips for senior citizens was because of pressure from a certain food manufacturer. It's easier to make them go this way.
The horrible truth is, those are one way bus trips.... and the old people on them are being processed out of the community, and into the food chain. That's right, they making them into....
Soylent Green!

Save yourselves!

Everybody is taking a summer break

The nice lady at the Somebody blog has announced a vacation, and the P.O.V. is no longer on the radar. I think everyone is tired of all the nastiness. Thank you Soccer Mom, for being eloquent in my defense. I'm glad I got to meet you in person.
"what we do here, what we say here, when we leave here, it will stay here."
You have my vow to keep the faith. I don't know if I will continue here, I know other members of our group decided to take a sabbatical until after Labor Day, and it might be for the best. I don't know what I will do, but I have my own observation that some bloggers are nutz. Is this really what it is all about, hurling insults and accusations without any accountability? Makes me wonder.
So much for laughing at ourselves.

I have aTour de Brew Date!

Well, I have a date for the Tour de brew, as in when it is, but no date, per se, as in womanly accompaniment, but I got a call after the 6:30 PM news that the Tour de Brew is scheduled for either the 23rd or 24th of August. the source said the The Fegeley brothers at the Brew Works told him that.
No word on whether anyone will go au Natural, but it would make it interesting if they did. Sarina, would you and your husband, aka Batman, pass out helmets? and for what?!

Family Feud: Who's who? I don't think I'm related to any of you

This morning I open my email, and I have been asked to consider removing any "inflammatory remarks concerning other people who blog".

Hatfields and McCoy's got nothing on you guys!
I guess that means my sock puppet post is what is being referred to, huh?

I've been thinking about this, and I am willing to consider doing that, but I want the guy calling me a sock puppet to quit condemning me without even knowing me. He is assuming a whole lot, and I'm a novice at this. You guys want to put wanted posters up and go at it that's fine, but can I have my little corner of irreverence? I get that some of you don't like the mayor, or you do, but I'm not saying you can't think that, or condemning you for it, I think y'all should be a little more Rodney King, as in "why can't we all just get along?

I don't want to get all uppity and say you can't disagree with me, I'm having a hard time with enough crap right now, without starting any imaginary fights.
I'm going to try and refrain from getting all indignant when I get called crap, but I'd appreciate some reciprocal treatment okay dudes? (or dudettes)

I've only got a couple of friends okay, not even friends, but people who actually comment to me, in blogland, I wouldn't mind a few more to communicate with, but I'm leery of it. I have to point out that some of you are a little off kilter, but in a good way, I think.
I want to leave my comments open to everybody, I don't go along with the "control freak" ideal, but I don't care for being hit with accusations that are unfounded. Please let us try this once again. Be nice to me, and I'll be nice to you. I laugh at stuff I see downtown everyday. It isn't the greatest city on earth, but I like it. So let me have my view, I won't sit in front of you at the movies and block yours.

To Promote Tourism, Allentown to Hold "Tour De NUDE Brew"

This Morning Mayor Pawlowski announced an exciting new event to take place in Allentown on Sunday, June 13th!
In the spirit of last year's "Tour DE Brew" and in the interest of encouraging artistic expression, and allowing free spirited members of the community to express themselves, this year all bike riders will be required to participate in the nude.
This is expected to draw more entrants, and bigger crowds into the center city area to observe the festivities. The Mayor also hinted that if this goes as well as hoped Allentown might put on their own "running of the Bulls" and have a festival the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
It would be a public service affair where lower income residents can chase after aherd of Turkey let loose from the Soldiers and Sailors monument. I got a hint for you mayor: "W....... K...... R....... P".
I'm going down and signing up for the Tour DE NUDE Brew today! look out Ladies!

I'm a Sock Puppet! But I'll live with the accusation

I removed my post that expressed my indignation with another blogworld participant at the request of a acquantaince. But don't think I'm a pushover, I'm only doing it as a favor, and I do those few and far between.

Latest Top Ten Things Critics Blame Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski for this week:

According to the latest Blog rumors, here is what Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski is suspected of this week:

10.He is the man responsible for all 17 pregnant teenagers in Gloucester, Massachusetts

9.He urged the Palestinians to break the truce with Israel

8.He is Morning Call Columnist's Paul Carpenter's long lost illegitimate son

7.He caused George Carlin's Heart Attack

6.He is the head of a secret society of devil worshippers that stalks political opponents, cuts their hearts out, and eats them.

5.He is responsible for the closing of the Federal Grille

4.It is his fault that Fireworks related injuries are rising

3.The rise in underage drinking

2. Any and all crime that takes place in Allentown

And the Number one thing that all the naysaying bloggers of Allentown agree is all Mayor Ed's Pawlowski's fault is:

That damn Autozone car parts Store moving into the Shanty Building! You knaw damn well he didn't fight it hard enough!


That's this weeks rumors, I'll have more next week!

Channel 69 hires Mendte, Layne, to spice up ratings

In a shocking move, WFMZ-TV announced today it was replacing long time anchor Rob Vaughn, and his sidekick, Wendy Davis, with former CBS -3 anchors Larry Mendte and Alycia Layne. According to a Station Spokesperson, who requested anonymity, management felt it was time for the Lehigh Valley to "move into the big leagues."
When asked to elaborate on what kind of chemistry was expected between the two, concerning the controversy surrounding their past, the station spokesperson got a gleam in their eye, smiled and uttered one word: "catfight."

Morning Call reporter Edgar Hardswallow, recently demoted to TV reporter, roamed the streets of Allentown, asking citizens for comment, and found this gem: "I hope she gouges his eyes out on air," answered a 19 year old minority woman, who was breast feeding the youngest of her three children on her front step at the time.
When asked for comment, Mayor Pawlowski, was optimistic that the two would get along, and bring a breath of fresh air to Allentown and the surrounding burbs. "C'mon, it had to be hard reporting all those murders and mayhem every night in Philly. What, they had 400 murders last year, we didn't make 20. They will like it here, and get others to appreciate Allentown better, you'll see. Once they have lunch at the Brew Works, they'll never want to leave."
In related news, there are rumors Weatherman Ed Hanna is also to be replaced. No names yet, but what I wouldn't give to get Kathy Orr!

To Protest Morning Call headline, Call Staffer to display cast of his Penis at 6th and Linden

Edgar P. Hardswallow, a little known but regular writer who covers bird watching and compiles the births and obituaries occasionally, is angry about the headline in the Saturday, June 14th edition of the Morning Call. Edgar told his colleagues that the headline, "Rape Suspect says Penis Cast Would Acquit Him", isn't up to the standards of propriety he has held himself to in his long, but not storied career. He wants everyone to know how disgusted he is with the depths the paper he has toiled for the last 41 years has fallen.

"They wouldn't let me use the word "pecker" but "Penis" is a front page headline? Can you believe this?" Edgar went on to unleash a tirade against Sam Zell and the Morning Call's ownership that shocked those around him.

Morning Call Editor Crankypants called Hardswallow in and reportedly suspended him with pay for 2 weeks. Hardswallow then went to the Baum School of Art, and allowed a plaster paris mold of his penis to be made.
To protest everything he thinks is wrong with the Morning Call, Hardswallow is placing the one and a half inch life size steel cast in the crosswalk at 6th and Linden Streets. "This will annoy local drivers every time they hit it with a tire, as much as the Paper annoys me" he told bystanders. Rumor has it that several local members of the Blog universe will also follow suit, joining Mr. Hardswallow in his protest. They hope to create a "Rumble Strip of Rage" in front of the Morning Call offices, but in this intrepid blogger's opinion, it will be more likely resemble a "Penile pebbles of puberty." The whole lot of them would better serve the community by placing themselves in the road.

Happy Couples in the News! Severson and Fonder announce Nuptials! And More!

The local news this morning broke the news concerning a jailhouse love affair that has shocked Lehigh Valley residents.
Political Consultant Tom Severson, recently charged with all kinds of things for misbehavior at a local funeral, and Mary Jane Fonder, facing trial for putting a few bullets in the back of the head of a woman she perceived as a romantic rival, announced their impending marriage today.

Severson, known for his public pronunciations of his own killing ability, and Fonder, charged for actually doing it, met in an online chat room for people facing trial in the Lehigh Valley.
"She's my kind of girl!" Severson stated proudly. "After she beats the rap, I promised her a job at Precision Marketing. It will really help my street cred as a ruthless S.O.B. to have her on the payroll." When asked for comment, Fonder only sighed, made loving eyes to the sky, and clutched an apparent photograph of Severson fishing with John Morganelli closer to her heart.
Where do you think they will register? Bed Bath and Beyond, or Vic's guns and ammo?

In other news of fun couples, Jocelyn Kersh, the "Bonnie", of the identity theft duo that plagued Philadelphia, has a new man in her life. According to those monitoring her movements through her ankle bracelet, she makes regular visits into New Jersey to visit a man an unidentified close friend says Jocelyn refers to as her "Soul mate." Who is it? None other than convicted Serial killer Charles Cullen! Prison officials say he popped the question, and a request for conjugal visits is already being processed. We wish those kids the best of luck!

Lastly, the saga of former Channel 3 co-anchor couple Alycia (God she's hot!) Layne, and Larry (God, what was I thinking, reading her email?!) Mendte took another bizarre turn when it was leaked to the media that DNA tests show that Larry and Alycia are secretly brother and sister!
Both deny any possibility of that, and are demanding retesting, but in the soap opera like world of local news, I predict the story ends with somebody adopting a recently discovered child that one of them secretly gave up for adoption tears ago. At least that's how they do it on General Hospital, and don't be surprised if the kid is either named "Lucky" or "Quartermaine".

Falcon eggs MMm, mmm, it's what's for dinner!

(I wanted to post a picture of Falcon Eggs, but all I could find was copyrighted ones, sorry!)

Everybody loves the ongoing story of the nest of baby Falcons in the PP&L tower, and today PP&L executives, in an effort to show they aren't the heartless, greedy, money sucking bastards consumers think they are, announced plans to help a needy family with their Electric Bill.
Company Spokesman Will Killowatt announced at a noon press conference that PP&L has an ingenious plan to profit from the next batch of eggs.
"We will be harvesting the eggs from that nest immediately after they are laid, and auctioning them off to the highest bidder" he announced with a grin.
"The proceeds will be used to pay the bill of an inner city family, or possibly, be donated to the political campaign of one of our needy politicians, whichever we deem more feasible at the time. Just imagine the omelet you could make with those babies!"
Local environmentalists immediately expressed outrage, and activists from Hawk Mountain vowed to climb the outside of PP&L Tower and steal the eggs if necessary, to protect them from company executives that they described mildly as "misguided." Local Green Peace activist Shrieka Harping vowed to launch PT boats in the Lehigh River and sink the boat of any PP&L exec, cruising it. (No one bothered to tell her that they all go to Ocean City, but let her dream.)

In other news, a body was found floating under a bridge to Hokendaqua over the Lehigh River, and several local bloggers immediately blamed Mayor Pawlowski for putting it there, ignoring that the river flows into Allentown from that point. They also claim the Mayor is responsible for a fight at a Bethlehem Pool, (He probably started it), a robbery on West Reading road, (They are probably stealing to fund his re-election campaign) and the heat wave (He probably has friends in Chicago releasing excess greenhouse gases from secret manufacturing plants releasing their pollution and targeting it to settle directly in the valley, and they pay him for covering up that they do it.)
There is also 4th hand evidence that he may be behind the theft of air conditioners throughout the city, as he regularly drives around the city meeting with residents, and was in the neighborhood of some of the thefts on the same day they took place. Yeah, our Mayor, he's capable of doing just about anything.

The Bike Race was great! So What's Next?

The Greater Lehigh Valley Rickshaw races! Coming Soon to the Velodrome!

But That's not All!

High Fuel Prices got you down? Want to get to work, and don't mind taking a little extra longer to get there? Think Rickshaws! Trade in your SUV today, and take that $700 a month lease payment and the $150 a week you spend on gas commuting to NYNJ and invest it in your very own illegal immigrant powered Rickshaw! The new must have lifestyle accessory of McMansion denizens! Get yours today! Starter Rickshaw kit only 4 easy payments of $199.99, as seen on QVC! Immigrant Rickshaw puller not included, but if you visit one of the many developments where construction has stopped, you will easily find many $20 a day laborers looking for work, who are ready, willing, and able to pull your Rickshaw!

Did Mayor Ed Pawlowski Shoot Someone?

The Daily Paper is reporting that a man was shot in the area of Twelfth and Gordon Streets early Wednesday Morning, and collapsed near the Mayor's House.
According to the opinions of several local bloggers, that is ample evidence that Mayor Ed Pawlowski is indeed, the true shooter, but no motive has been given.
Pawlowski critic Scooter Hillstrong was quoted on Blogworld news as criticizing local news for refusing to pursue the true story. "Everyone knows Mayor Pawlowski is responsible, no one saw him do it, but we know he has an invisibility cloak just like Harry Potter, and probably used it to get away."
Blogger Barney O'Google of Lehigh County Ravings and Rantings assailed Congressional candidate Sam Bennett, who lives more than 3 blocks away, for not immediately calling police to report the crime.
"She had to have heard the gunshots" he announced. " Having a ten story building between her house and the mayor's couldn't have possibly muffled all the noise."
O'Google then produced grainy, unidentifiable photos from an Alburtis Turkey Hill Market that showed the Mayor buying coffee 3 weeks ago next door to a weekend gun show. "That's probably where the Mayor got his gun, and probably where he will try and trade it back in to hide it."

Allentown Police Chief Roger McClain, (no relation to Detective John McClain of DieHard Movie Fame) had this reaction, however. "There is no evidence the mayor shot anyone. Yes, it is true he is from Chicago, and yes, he does live on North 11th street, but that in no way offers any proof that he shot anyone."
Critical Bloggers however, are firm in their belief that the mayor is guilty of something. Unannounced Mayoral candidate Pam Valkyrie of the blog Strange Perspectives, had this to say: "At the very least, he has to be responsible for the plane crashing on the Island on "Lost." And Former Independent Mayoral Candidate Mark Mendelsohn has his own theory: "I wouldn't be surprised to dig up the basement of the Allentown Brew Works and find that Ed Pawlowski had ordered that Jimmy Hoffa be buried there. Why do you think I don't want to sell the Americus? You wouldn't believe who or what I've stashed down in that dump."
That leaves any hope for an unbiased investigation in the hands of local media.
Wendy Wacky, anchor for Channel 69, The Family Fun position Channel, announced that everything looked peachy keen to her and the gang at happy face news, before rushing off in their psychedelic, hi-definition news van to cover the latest triple homicide down the street.
Gerald Cranky, Editor of The Morning Crankypants Newspaper, shared Wendy Wacky's sentiments, saying, "The Mayor's done so much for the city, look at all the parking spots our employees now have! How can you criticize such progress!"
So maybe the Mayor didn't shoot anybody after all, but it could'a happened. Maybe. sorta. kinda. Right?
6/03 Comment:
I have to clarify something, because I've been told current Federal incarceree Mark Mendolsohn never ran for Mayor, and might be confused with another person I haven't even heard of. But it sounded funny when I wrote it, and I thought he had. Now I find out he didn't. I don't want to be part of Mr. O'hares Stupid Blog War, so please don't drag me into it. Mark Mendelsohn never ran for Mayor, I was poking fun at people who take themselves too seriously. That's all. I forgot to get my "Free Speech" Approved prior to posting. My Mistake. (Sic)

Walmart to Build in Allentown!

Soon Downtown Allentown will Look Like This!

In a historic Announcement, Walmart Executives revealed a deal in which they would pay off all of the City of Allentown's debts, take over all its municipal operations, and build the largest Walmart Store in History, encompassing the entire downtown area.
Mayor Ed Pawlowski hailed the deal as groundbreaking in an era of Public private Partnerships, while pooh-poohing the insinuation that offering Walmart a 100 year KOZ had anything to do with it.
Walmart immediately took control, and started by reducing wages of all municipal employees. All Safety Forces will be re-classified and offered positions starting at $8.35 an hour with health benefits available if the employee wishes to pay for them.
Walmart Spokesman Ed Shenkelman, however, warned that city residents should expect their taxes to increase. "There's a lot of infrastructure that needs repair, and you can't expect our shareholders to carry the burden of the people who live here."
County Executive Don Cunningham declined comment, but sources say he was open to discussing the same agreement on the County level.